I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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