Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
