Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
