does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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