Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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