no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
time to smoke my breakfast
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
