I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
