i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
