Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
she pinky promised me she was 18
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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