He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
