I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
These tits shall not be calmed
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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