Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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