If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
operation harelip BJ is a go
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
