before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Life is so much better after having sex.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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