He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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