So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
