...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
