your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
