Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
