with your own penis?
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
