weddingsv make me drug and hornr
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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