omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize