I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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