My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
