She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
