a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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