At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
im on a boat
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