I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
