i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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