I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
