i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
