He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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