I need help removing her.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
ok first of all what the fuck
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
