Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize
