Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
