So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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