Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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