i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
