Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
