there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
