Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize