I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
