hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
