Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize