Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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