so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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