We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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