i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
