A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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