dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
