May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
