Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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