she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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