I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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