What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
