I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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