why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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