The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
