when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
