To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
