we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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