He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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