You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Farmville is her only friend.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
