So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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