It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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