The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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