So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
