ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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